So this week I had my first baptisms! It was these 2 brothers, Zion and Kaya. They'd been going to church for 5 years but didn't want to be baptized until one of their friends died and that really shook them up. We've had 2 baptisms before, one a kid named Jacob and the other this guy named Junior who plays professional rugby but I hadn't ever taught them so It didn't really count.
Speaking of rugby, everyone plays it here. We play it most every p-day and it's okay but we only play touch and I hate that. I get really bored because there isn't much you can do to not get touched. We should at least play wrap up or something.
One thing that's been ticking me off about New Zealand is that everything seems to be backwards and I think they're just doing it on purpose. I already knew they drove on the left side of the road but that isn't all. If you flush the toilet it spins the opposite way. If you want to turn on a light you push the switch down. The plugs aren't parallel, they're crooked. Oh and every plug in the house or anywhere really has a switch you have to push DOWN to run the plug on. Lights bulbs aren't twisted out of sockets, I learned that when the bulb shattered in my hand. Instead they have prongs that slide like a quarter of an inch to hold it in place. Sinks have separate faucets for hot and cold water which means if you want room temperature water you have travel 7,000 miles back to the states to get it. It's infuriating sometimes.
There are some things that remind me of home. Little old white ladies are still afraid of dark-skinned men. To get a scholarship in school you have to be an islander cause if you're white they figure you can afford it. Parents still complain about their kids being on facebook and texting all the time. It's like America pretty much but everything costs twice as much.
So last week on fast Sunday My comp and I went to different wards cause we had investigators in both and they meet at the same time. Being alone, I got up to bear my testimony and basically introduced myself. There were tons of people nodding off or "pecking with the hens". Here's about what I said:
"If you look around you'll notice I'm flying solo today as my companion is no longer with us." I got some pretty weird looks at that. "I'll tell you why. When I first got here I was set on being the best missionary I could be and working as hard as I could. After a while with Elder Whaanga though I noticed my mission wasn't going to be like that. We started off okay but after a while I noticed we were leaving the apartment later and later and returning earlier and earlier. It got so bad that we were returning in the middle of the day so he could take naps. I finally realized that my mission was being wasted away by an elder who didn't want to work." At this point all the people who'd been nodding off were staring at me all wide-eyed. A lot of people were whispering back and forth and some people were outright scowling at me. I kept going. "One of these times as I was watching him sleep I just asked 'What am I supposed to do? Here I am, a greeny and my trainer is just lying here sleeping.' I grabbed my scriptures hoping for an answer and just let them fall open. The first scripture I came to was my answer." At this point I opened my Book of Mormon at the pulpit and read:
"And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me: slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. It is better that one man perish than a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief."
After I read my scripture the ward was laughing like crazy. Just to make sure they all got it I told them that I had to wash the blood from my sleeves before coming and then I saw a few that finally understood it was a joke. To save my skin I said I was joking, that Elder Whaanga was a great trainer and a hardworker and then bore a real testimony. It was a good ice breaker and people finally started asking what my name was and where I was from and stuff. This lady even asked me to come slaughter her husband. I'm just trying to get on good terms with the members here cause the vast majority of our baptisms come from them, 85% to be exact. President Porter calculated where all the baptisms come from so we could see how to work smarter and not necessarily harder. Of the remaining 15% only a portion comes from missionary tracting so whenever he hears a missionary brag "Man, I tracted for 20 hours last week" Pres. Porter calls him an idiot. We still do tract and talk to people on the street, which I absolutely hate and suck at but even for us the vast majority of our investigators have been referred to us by members.
Okay, I gots to go. I love you guys, and tell everyone else I love them too.
Elder Keifer or "E. Hibbskees" as I'm known to the youth in our ward.
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