Another week...another comp.

First off, thanks for the package! It made my Easter! I saved the good jelly beans for Easter morning so I actually had something.

This week was pretty evenful.

On Tuesday Elder Whaanga and I almost beat this guy up. We were biking up this hill and had to cross the road to get to this pedestrian tunnel on the other side. As we crossed this white guy on a bike was coming down the hill on the side we were biking to. Since he was further up than me, Elder Whaanga crossed behind this guy but he was still further up the hill than me, coming down. I saw he was on the side walk so I stayed in the street so we wouldn't collide but then he jumped off the curb and started hurtling straight at me screaming "You f-ing Mormon, get outta my way!" I kept going straight cause I was afraid of us both turning the same way and crashing and luckily we only brushed eachother as he passed. I kept pedaling to the top of the hill and when I got there Elder Whaanga was waiting and looking past me. I followed his gaze and saw this same guy pedaling back up the hill. He was alreading screaming and cursing by time he reached us and when he did he rammed my bike with his. He was screaming about how I was coming to the wrong side of the road so I tried to tell him how we were just getting to the tunnel to go through. He didn't care though and I guess wanted something for almost crashing so he snatched the pen from my shirt pocket. I thought he was going for my name tag so I shoved his arm away which made him even madder. I told him I was sorry he had almost crashed but that he hadn't so he should chill out. He then started going "Sorry? I'm gonna make you sorry! I'm gonna MAKE you sorry!!" When he said it the second time he threw a punch at me but I was taller than him and standing uphill so it was pretty easy to just lean back and dodge it. This is when Poppa Whaanga came to my rescue. Throwing down his bike, Elder Whaanga walks up to this guy shouting "I've waited my whole mission for some faggot like you!" The guy said "You're not supposed to talk like that..." then looking at his name tag, "...Elder Whaanga!" Whaanga then shouted "I'm a convert to this, you want a piece of the Mongrol Mob?" It was so funny watching this white guy now be bullied around by this getto Maori kid in missionary clothes, really a wolf in sheep's clothing. Elder Whaanga told the guy he could have a free hit but the guy was already backing up and just shouted "No!" Then Elder Whaanga steps up right in his face and screames "Then get OUTTA HERE!!!" and shoved the guy over his own bike. The guy started shouting "That's assault man, that's assault!" So we got on our bikes and started going back up the hill. Once we got to the top Elder Whaanga stopped, looked back and shouted "Oi! Look on the ground!" The guy looked and then Whaanga shouted "Pick your nuts up, you really dropped em back there!" After going home and repenting of the bad feeling we had, we went back to work as usual.

On Thursday I officially grew up. Elder Whaanga was tranfered to South Auckland so I'm not being trained anymore. My new comp is Elder Snow, he's a white guy from Vegas so he's pretty much the complete opposite of Elder Whaanga. So far he's been fine, we have more in common that Whaanga and I did so we have more to talk about. The only thing I don't like so far is he tries to talk to me when I'm going to the bathroom. Oh well, if he's unfazed by the smell then more power to him. I was a little sad to see Whaanga go but I'm glad I'm the one staying, there's still a lot of good work to be done here in Hamilton.

Speaking of good work, I had a baptism on Friday! The guy's name is Murray, he started being taught because his girlfriend told him she wouldn't settle for anything other than a temple marriage. Way to go Piri! It was awesome cause just after he was baptized Murray proposed to Piri right there. It's like a fairytale and I'm right in the middle of it! I also got to confirm Murray, my first time doing that. I hope they'll do well together!

Alrighty, that's all I have for today. Hey, I get to talk to y'all soon, whoo hoo!

See ya then,

Elder Big Bird

Fastest Week Ever

Howdy Family! Thanks for all the emails today, they were quite entertaining!

This week was pretty okay. I got to go to Ngarawahia again this week and you know what that means- FRY FEST!!! We actually went to Papa's twice when I was there so I got extra extra fat that day. The guy told us we'd better watch what we eat or we'll end up like him (he's kinda big). I was like "Sure, whatever." then dropped my battered Snickers bar into the frying oil. It was crazy good!

After seeing a couple recent pictures of myself I decided that I've just stepped into fat territory. What I mean is before I was plump or rounded but now if I think I would consider myself fat. Oh well, it's not like I'm trying to pick up chicks here anyways. What will you guys think if I come home looking like the Pillsbury dough-boy? Even worse, what will Hailey think?!?

So I have found probably my favorite fruit here in New Zealand. It's called a fejoa and man are they good. Try looking them up and see if you can find any fejoa trees in the area and then buy one. You only need one cause they produce fruit like crazy. If there's one place in the states that can grow fejoas it'll be the northwest, the weather is exactly the same here. Fejoa's look almost like limes but they have a smoother skin. To eat them you cut it in half and scoop out the inside. The skin isn't all that bad so you could eat the whole thing but then again the skin isn't all that good either.

Near the end of the week I was struck with a plague. It all started one day when I woke up and my legs were itchy as heck. It was a while before I actually looked down at my legs and noticed I had what looked like mosquito bites all over my legs. I knew this could have been from mosquitos though cause my legs had been covered and there were tons of bites everywhere. I'd heard that they have fleas really bad here so we figured there were fleas somewhere in the house. We were going to get a flea bomb but then Neither of us were bit throughout the morning so we figured it was an isolated inncident. Then the next morning I woke up with the bites further up my legs and across my stomach. I was frwaking out cause there were spots where the bites were running into eachother and I'd have the biggest red blotches across my legs. I showed my comp what was happening and he said I had bed bugs. Bed bugs? Bed bugs aren't even real. "Don't let the bed bugs bite" is just a saying! At least I thought so. Now I have to get new sheets and blanket and I'm getting a new matress I think. It's gross to think I had bugs crawling out of the matress and on me then sucking my blood. Dumb bugs. I've been sleeping on the floor so I don't have any new bites and the old ones are going away now. I hope my comp gets em in his bed cause he's been laughing at my freaking out.

So transfers are coming up. I'm unsure whether I'm moving or not. I'm unsure whether I want to move or not. It'd be nice to go to a new area but we have some really choice baptisms coming up just after transfers. Also, I think I could do a lot more good in the area if my comp would listen a little. If someone isn't like asking to be baptized he doesn't like to visit them, he doesn't want to help someone towards conversion. Most of our baptisms have been people wanting to get baptized because their girl friends wants them to or because their grandma does. We have some people in the area who are actual investigators that Whaanga doesn't want to visit because... well I don't know why. I think with a new comp we could do a lot more in the area.

I don't mean to say that I don't like Elder Whaanga. He's a great comp, really fun and loving to the people he serves but he's a little lazy and has slowly eased me into it. It annoys me to think how far I've gone astray lately, to think of how we used to work and how we used to baptize. When I first got here Whaanga was afraid of not training well so we worked hard and had 5 baptisms in Feb. Then slowly we got lazy and had 3 in March and now we've gotten so bad that we'll only have 1 in April. This area can reach the mission goal of baptizing weekly month to month if we just work hard enough. We need a reboot bad.

So I've found the Dayley's address for Camas, I guess I'd wrote it down before when I helped them move. I also wrote a lot of letters to people and finally sent them, I know they'll probably be mad with me. I'm worried too because I sent Hailey a letter to her Idaho address but she's home now and I don't know if she's gotten it or if she'll be going back to the same address again.

Last thing of note for this week- Elder Whaanga and I were asked to help out with Chartwell Ward's primary Easter activity. It was a little last minute, they called us the morning of to ask if we could help. We had nothing planned so we went. They were taking the kids from room to room with each of the rooms being a different event at the end of Christ's life. The primary presidency had gone all out on their rooms, building fake tombs and having awesome activities for the kids to do. Since we didn't even know what exactly we were doing, Elder Whaanga and I showed up with nothing at all. The primary presidency was a little miffed and told us we would be doing the last room, the resurrection. We were given the baptismal font room and told to "Figure something out." With only a table from a seminary room and the sacrement table cloth, we ended up with the best room of all.

Before the kids came into our room I told them to fold their arms and be reverant because we were going into a very sacred place. When the kids came in Elder Whaanga was lying on the table with the sacrement cloth covering him. Some of the kids were a little scared but then one of them said something that calmed everyone's fears, "Why are you afraid? That's Jesus and he loves us!" With everyone calm now I had the kids sit down while I stood in front of the table. I told the kids why Jesus had died for us and how even though he had died, he rose again 3 days later. As I taught of Christ rising again and of his body being perfected, Elder Whaanga rose from the table and turned away from the children. He gathered the sacrement cloth around him like a hooded rob then left throught the doors to the baptismal font behind me. The kids were absolutley mesmerized by the display. The primary presidency was super impressed too. Even though these were primary kids and they probably didn't understand or remember half of what I said, I felt the Spirit super strong when I taught them.

Well that's all for this week. Keep praying for my and especially my bed!

Love you all,

Elder Big Bird

Howdy ho neighbor!

Hey guys this week was pretty meh, but at least I got to end it with conference, whoo hoo! Since we're a day ahead in New Zealand they play conference the following week so we don't have to watch it Sunday and Monday. I think my favorite quote from all of conference came from L. Tom Perry when he said "When I drink of my little sacrement cup I cannot help but feel so thankful that my Savior was willing to drink of the bitter cup of my sins and pain." Something else that stood out to me was the many talks on revelation and how often it comes slowly and not all at once. Ballard likened it to collecting small flakes of gold, Uchtdorf likened it to a puzzle received one piece at a time and Bednar likened it to the slow and steady rising of the sun. So don't get down if you haven't had a sudden enlightening experience because you still have a testimony.

As for what I specifically did this week, well not a whole lot out of the ordinary happened apart from Wednesday. Wednesday I had one of the Zone Leaders in our area for a trade off for the day. It was little upsetting because we had the whole day planned stacked full of appointments and they all fell through except 2 so the whole day pretty much was spent tracting with a ZL. Of the 2 lessons we did have that day the ZL cut one off early so we could run back to the flat so he could go to the bathroom cause he has a small/weak bladder so I was a little upset at him. In my anger I lost my inhibitions so our next lesson I told the couple that they had to get married because they were breaking the law of chastity and angering God and they couldn't expect the blessings of the Spirit to be a part of their lives until they were married or split up. The ZL later said he thought it was good how blunt I was with them because it's something they have to face and focus on but really I was just being angry.

Later I asked what his dad did and he said he was writing a book. Our conversation then went something like this:

Me: "That's cool. Hope it does well when it's published."

ZL: "Oh I already know it'll do awesome."

Me:"How do you know that?"

ZL: "Well he's spent 15 years writing it."

Me: "So? Just because you spend a lot of time on something doesn't mean it'll be any better. One time I spent a half hour going to the bathroom but in the end it was still crap."

I had originally meant it to be something mean but then it had surprised me how fast I had come up with it so I started laughing and then the ZL started laughing too.

Only one more thing of note happened that day. While we were biking home a fat lady yelled at us "You suck!" so I turned around and rode up her driveway to confront her. She had 2 guys with her so when I rode up I put on a smile and asked "What are you guys up?" One of the guys just laughed and said they were waiting for their beer and then I told them that Elder Sessions (the ZL) and I were missionaries from one of the local churches. Before I could say anything else the fat chick said "We don't like to talk about s***." I kept on smiling and said "Awesome, neither do I! I'm so glad we are on the same page and can talk about better, more important things." Before I could say anymore (and believe me, I wanted to) Elder Sessions told the people that we may see them and then told me to come on home. Meh. As we got back on our bikes the fat chick had one more thing to say: "You're gay." I just laughed and said homosexuality was actually a sin and if she ever needed to learn more of sins she was committing that I'd be in the area. This was like the only sincerely rude person I've run into in New Zealand so far.

Sorry this week wasn't all that spiritual. I gotta go now, I'll be sure to have better things to share next week.

Love yous!

Elder Big Bird

Miracle Week

I have just realized this week that I am hopeless, that I am powerless, that I am useless without God and I hate to admit that. It is so stupid and irritating but no matter how hard I work I will never succeed without His help. We were basically tracting all week and found no one, absolutley no one, until the very end of the week. Throughout the week I was getting angry cause of this until Saturday we were in Pukete which is the total opposite side of town and no one had shown any interest at all in the 3 1/2 hours we'd been there. Well there had been 1 lady who we had a doorstep lesson with and that we totally could have set up a follow-up appointment with but then her husband came out and said there was no reason for us to come back cause we'd never convince him that Mormonism was true. Crap.

Then while riding my bike this kid beaned me in the head with a lemon. I rode over to chew him out and he asked "Are yous the Mormons?" I was still angry so I said "Yeah that's right, what are you gonna do about it?" Then the kid told us he had been to church with his grandma in Rotorua (about an hour away) and wanted to start coming back to church again. My mood instantly changed but I still wondered why he'd chucked a lemon at me. When I asked him he just shrugged his shoulders like chucking lemons at people's heads was a common way to get their attention. Well then we went to his door to talk to his parents and they told us they weren't interested at all. When my comp tried another approach the kid's dad just said "AT ALL!" and slammed the door. Poor kid.

We were in the area for about a half hour more but nothing happened. After our last door knock we got on our bikes to head home. Buckling my helmet on, I wondered to myself "Why did we even come here? It would take a miracle to find 1 teachable person in Pukete." About 2 seconds later a miracle cruised up on a moped, pulled over and asked "Do yous got any of those pamphlet things? Oh, and could yous come back to my house, I used to be taught and just moved back to Hamilton." The miracle was a 25-ish year old Maori girl with a family. As happy as I was, I was almost hysterically frustrated. Here I had been working for over 3 hours and hadn't found a single new investigator and then when I'm sitting on my butt just thinking about needing God's help someone cruises up and asks us to come teach her and her family. GAAHH!! I still get upset. Maybe it's cause I'm a stubborn fart but it is so hard for me to rely on Him constantly. I need to get better at that, to have greater faith in His guidance than in my own hard work.

Our miracles continued throughout Sunday too. Zhontee, the girl we baptised last week, brought a friend of hers to church and then we went to Zhontee's house to have a lesson. Earlier in the week I had gone to Zhontee's to tell her that we wouldn't be able to meet with her everyday from now on so we could find other people to teach but I guess she took it as we would never come back unless she find someone for us to teach. Honestly I'm kind of happy she took it that way even thought it wasn't the way I had meant it. Zhontee's even got another friend she's brought to church before who we'll probably being teaching soon as well.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you about the coolest thing that's happened oon my mission so far! So on Wednesday I was on a trade off in Ngarawahia, this country town outside of Hamilton. For luch we went to Poppa's Take-aways which is their ward mission leader's fry shop. Basically he makes fried fish, chicken, candy bars, anything! Not only that but he let us have free reign in the kitchen, he let us eat what ever he wanted. It was like being in a candy shop and being told you could have whatever but instead of candy it was fried food! Oh and I got to make myself like 3 milkshakes and then I had a slushy and then made a toasted sandwich on his grill. It was the freakin best! I got so fat and greasy! I'm sure Hailey will appreciate how attractive I'm getting out here.

Alright, I guess that's everything for this week. I love y'all, keep praying for me!

Elder Keifer/Big Bird

and now for this week

This week was pretty good. We had 2 baptisms, 1 a 12 year old girl named Zhontee and then a 9 year old named Izana. Both were really really smart and blew the zone leaders away during their interviews. Whoo hoo! Those are m'girls! I got to baptize lil Izana, hence why I'm in white in the picture. Both are from less active families who aren't coming back to church but both said they wanted the blessings that baptism brings. We're using Zhontee as a member missionary tool already and we'll be teaching her friends soon. Suh-weet!

I can't believe I forgot to mention this last week but I did so I'll say it now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Did you guys do anything? Hopefully you had cake at least. The cake mixes here stink compared to back home, not even worth buying. Lately I've been finding a lot of stuff not worth buying. Oh well, everytime I do I get a little wiser and will save money later. The other day I made burgers for my comp and I and he thought they were the greatest things ever. All I did was mix some onion with the ground beef but he thought it was crazy good. I think the reason is cause everything's really bland here. People set out hunks of potato, pumpkin and kumara to eat with like nothing on them. Kumara is like a potato but grosser. Oh, after Zhontee's baptism we went over and I had my first hongi! Hongi is when they cook the meat in the ground. As cultural as it is, it's gross. There's no barbeque sauce on it and loads and loads of fat. The whole thing tastes like an ash tray. I wish I could take Elder Whaanga to just 1 of our barbeques, have him taste Dad's ribs nd see what he thinks of it. I think people here tend to stick with more cultural stuff then tasty stuff. Hmmm, I think it's time they wisen up and start importing some Sweet Baby Ray's.

Hey is it conference weekend there? We have it the following week because if they broadcast it live here we'd be watching it in the early early morning Sunday and Monday. Tell me how conference is and what talks to look out for next week.

One last thing, could you guys get me Nate, Cameron, the Pace's and the Dayleys addresses for me? Like old brother Dayley in Camas now. That would be sweet.

Okay, I love you guys! Kristine, you better start emailing me! What's you email address? You have friends in New Zealand waiting to send you stuff!

Okay, now I'm really done. Love yous!

Elder Keifer (or for the kids Elder Big Bird cause it's easier to say)

Kia ora whanua!

Kia ora whanua (pronounced key ora fawn-ah-oo) means hello family in Maori. The pronunciation of everything in Maori is pretty much like Spanish except for some reason "wh" makes the fffff sound like "ph" does in English.

Anyways, this week was alright I suppose. We have been a little slack on using our time effectively which makes me cringe when I think about next months success. We also had a couple baptisms fall through which really stinks cause that usually doesn't happen, at least it hasn't for me yet. We did however have a baptism this Saturday which was really awesome. It was this girl named Tawera who's come from thinking about suicide to being surrounded by loving and supportive friends. At the baptism her sister then came up to us and told us she was ready and wanted to be baptised too. Sweet! She's now set for April 6. I just hope the rest of her family will open up as well.

There's this other investigator of ours who's name is Zhontee. I think she's the best investigator anyone could ask for. Whenever I feel like garbage and need a pick me up I can always go to Zhontee's and be 100% better. She's just so ready for the gospel and soaks everything up like a sponge. In Sunday school last week she was answering all the questions spot on, questions that the members weren't even getting. Her baptism is this coming Saturday. I'm hoping that once she's a member we can use her to get to her friends as well. We've had a couple of er friends sit in on lessons but not consistently.

There's this one somewhat crazy lady we've been teaching that I'm thinking of just forcing her to be baptized. Okay, not really but maybe I'll try laying down God's law a little with her. I think she has like ADD or something because when we teach her she's always looking all over the place and then blurts out the most random ideas. Like I was bearing my testimony on prayer and out of the blue she asks in the middle of my sentence if I think online dating sites are a good way to meet guys. My comp started laughing at me cause I was staring at this lady for her stupid random interuption and then got mad at him for laughing so I told her "Seeing as how I've never used an online dating site to look for guys, I wouldn't know. I'm sure my companion could help you out though." Then it was my turn to laugh and his turn to be mad. Whenever Raywin looks around now we've started going "SHH!" like the dog wisperer does on his show. We laugh about it later but it's a little frustrating at the time. I've got the most important message she'll ever hear and she's watching the wind blow stuff around.

So back in like the early 1940s I think there used to be a mission president here named Matthew Cowely. He's somewhat of a local legend because he was a man of incredible yet humble faith. There are countless stories of him holding his arm to the square and stopping the rain for outdoor meetings or healing sick or even dead people. Yes, dead people. I was listening to one of his talks and he related an experience where he layed his hands on a dead man's head and basically told him to arise. The man did and his first words were "President Cowely, I'm so glad you're here. I've been feeling very sick and would like you to give me a blessing."

Not only was Matthew Cowely a man of miracles, he was funny as heck too. I listened to a couple of his talks and he tears it up. At the beginning of one he tells the crowd something like "I've never wrote a talk or speech or fireside that I've given. Instead I stand at the pupit on my own 2 feet and give the people what the Lord gives me. There have been times however that the Lord has forsaken me... I just pray this isn't one of those times." Another time he was talking about meeting a Methodist minister. The minister came up to him and said "You know all you Mormons are going to hell right?" to which Matthew Cowely replied, "Well I'd rather be a Mormon and know I'm going to hell than be a Methodist and not know where the hell I'm going!" Brother Cowely is the man!

OKay, that's all I have time for. I love all you guys!

I forget what week

So I just finished my very first transfer and I'm so proud of myself. I'm a seasoned missionary now! Okay, maybe not but at least I'm not the greenest one in the mission.

This week was pretty uneventful, we've just been solidifying our baptismal sets. One of our girls asked us yesterday if she could get baptized a week earlier so I was pretty excited after church.

On Thursday I went on a trade off with one of the members in the ward, Brother Day, to visit some less actives. Bro Day is probably the coolest guys I've met. He's a self made millionaire who's into motorcycles and he lives on the fringes of town in this massive house with a track on his property. We have dinner at their house on Thursday so pray for me that I'll have the strength to stay off his brand new KTM 350. Bah! Maybe we should just cancel. The guy is super knowledgeable too, he knows everything there is to know about church history and the scriptures so we can have both a worldly or a gospel centered conversation and I'm still interested.

We also had a bit of a misshap with one of our investigators. She is a single mother who's been trying to give up smoking cause she knows it's hurting her and her children but she's still struggling with it. To help comfort her we asked her to read 1 Nephi 3:7 before we came back, the "I will go and do" scripture. A couple days later we got a call from her telling us that she thought we were sick and that she didn't want to see us again and if we tried coming to her house she'd be "ready". We couldn't understand what she was talking about so we went over to her house to talk to her. At first she was almost hysterical and wouldn't shut up about how she had all this family that would be here as soon as she called. When she finally calmed down enough to talk we learned what had gone wrong. Instead of reading 1 Nephi 3:7 she had read 3 Nephi 3:7 and then had continued to verse 8. Read over the verses and then re read what it was she was saying to us.

When I realized what had happened I seriously almost died laughing. She was still wary of us until we laughed our heads off and then explained what was occuring in 3 Nephi chapter 3. Funniest experience so far.

So that's all that was interesting this week. Oh yeah, I finally got mail after transfers cause we only get it then, every 6 weeks.

So that's really everything. I love you guys, I'll be praying for all you guys. If there's one thing I know it's that God hears. That's never been so evident as on my mission. I love it here!

Elder Keifer